((Brace yourselves folks, this one is so far off topic, the light from our topic will hit it in fifteen years.))
When you’re a kid, the horizon is so very far away.
The world is full of magic and possibility. Your Dad’s the smartest person you know (except for Mom) and the summer is always full of polliwogs, fireflies and cherries right off the tree.
Childhood is when a day fees like an eternity, the turning of the seasons is the turning of unimaginable time and you can’t even comprehend that one day you’ll look up and it’s all changed. The horizon is measured in city blocks instead of rolling green miles. Your parents are nice, but no, they definitely don’t know everything. Just explaining (again) how only having a cellphone on when they want to make a call voids the entire point of the device…. but I digress.
We make choices. We accrue responsibilities almost as fast as we lose time in the day. The polliwog’s stream is now a paved-over rain trench, fireflies have all but died out and the cherry tree got badly topped by the electrical company and died. Summer has official become the time you desperately wished you’d install central air.
Face it kiddo… reality sucks. And now that I’ve completely killed your mellow, what’s the point of this post?
“Sometimes, you hit a wall. Sometimes, the wall hits back. And sometimes, you pick up your chainsaw and make yourself a new @#$%ing door.”
That’s become a motto of mine the last few weeks. I went into this whole #FMPnano thing with high hopes and horizons as far as I could stretch them. Heck, it even worked for a while. I hit walls, the walls hit back. I climbed, I dodged, I dug tunnels…I even sent in a sapper or two.
But then the walls got together and decided to play Gandalf. And I shall not pass, right enough…
The details are private, but let’s just say my family is shrinking. Again. It’s the sort of situation that involves a lot of thinking about words like eternity, final, and reason… but never seems to yield an answer.
So here I sit, wondering if the walls have won, if I Shall Not Pass after all.
The last few weeks, my priorities have shifted from writing, and it shows in the work. I’m not giving up, not even remotely. But I’m really not satisfied with what’s come out of my mind the last couple weeks. Worse, that’s on the odd days I’ve found time to write. I’m over 10k words behind Nano pace right now. Granted, I’ve got half of my goal. I’ve got a solid stack of scripts for Bubblegum, but I should be entering the home stretch, not halfway through.
I think it’s time for one of my favorite lines of Bruce Campbell dialog: “Good? Bad? I’m the one with the gun.” I love that line. He’s not a hero, or a villain. He’s the one with the power. So, to twist it to my own ends. “Success? Failure? I’m the one with the SCRIPT.”
There’s no way in heck I can make the Nano deadline of 50K words by the end of the month. But here’s what I CAN do….
I CAN keep going anyway.
I CAN tell Gandalf I’m writing cyberpunk sci-fi, not fantasy. Then blow his bearded backside over the moon with a well-placed sapper charge.
I CAN finish what I began, regardless of the date. This is soul-feeding, not pocketbook-feeding. The battle isn’t between me and a deadline, it’s between me and inertia.
And best of all? Mr. Wall?
*Reaches for a chainsaw*
“Say ‘Hello’ to my little friend!”
Rev rev, Baby.